Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark recently finished a major overhaul, during which they took several weeks off to change the script and music in the hopes of overcoming terrible reviews during previews. This got me looking for the original Spider-Man reviews, and in the process I found several other gems, where the reviewer reamed the show in question with some very clever and entertaining phrases. Here are some of my favorites (I heartily recommend clicking through to read the reviews in their entirety):
The show: Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark
- What it’s about: Who even knows at this point? The show has undergone so many revisions (and accidents) that I have no idea what the “final” product will be.
- The reviewers: New York Times, Slate
- “The sheer ineptitude of this show, inspired by the Spider-Man comic books, loses its shock value early. After 15 or 20 minutes, the central question you keep asking yourself is likely to change from ‘How can $65 million look so cheap?’ to ‘How long before I’m out of here?’…‘Spider-Man’ is not only the most expensive musical ever to hit Broadway; it may also rank among the worst…[it] is so grievously broken in every respect that it is beyond repair. Fans of Ms. Taymor’s… ‘The Lion King,’…will have to squint charitably to see evidence of her talent.”—New York Times
- “Julie Taymor’s train wreck, through and through…a comic book musical that seems to have no affection for comic books or musicals…[a] mass entertainment that at its heart is one woman’s wild ego trip.”—Slate